Have you ever had one of those days....

where you just knew you shouldn't get out of bed? You just know something is going to make the day go badly, it is a gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach. It starts out as butterflys and moves to something more, you are on edge and getting bitchy and don't really know why. Then BAM! You can't breathe your heart is racing and pounding in your chest, you are sweating and shaking, the world is spinning.

Congratulations and welcome to your first panic attack.

The good news is once you know what it is and what you felt like before it happend, you can recognize the symptoms before they get too far and control it, with practice that is.

I have not told my extended family about the panic disorder, so if they read this they are in for a surprise. It will explain a lot of my seemingly rude behavior at family gatherings though. When I just up and left the room to go outside before anyone noticed that I was starting to hyperventilate, wasnt anyone's fault but my own as I tried to hide the disorder. No more living in secret, the brilliant psychology honors student, and self proclaimed perfectionist (actually it had more to do with being an obsessive - compulsive personality, but the meds are helping with that too) is half nuts herself. What else do you think has led to my insights and seemingly random tying together of OCD and Autism.

It is very easy to help the mentally ill, when you yourself fit the bill.

I get how someone could feel the need to take their own life, or cut themselves to release the pain. I understand the emotionally side of it all. What I don't understand is why the brain tells them that this is a good thing...therefore I think I have finally chosen a major for grad school: Neuro-biological Psychology. The perfect blend of the sciences I love.

Of course this is today and I have a year to change my mind again.

I wonder if that is the depression?

More to ponder for me, but that is for another post.

Till We Meet Again!
T~